Honey, I am home!

Here I have been procrastinating about starting a blog and when I decide to go for it I discover that I already started writing my blog two years ago. I abandoned it. "Honey, I am home!"
I love writing and I need to keep at it.
I am at a point in my life where I know what I do not want, I know what I want and I have no clue what tomorrow will be. Pushing for what I want, trying my best and trusting the universe to answer as per what has already been destined and relying on time to reveal. Come to think of it, I like surprises. I have faith and patience that no matter how muddy things are, they will clear up. All is well and in actual fact my problems are not nearly as bad as I think they are.
Today was one of those days I would have rather nested in my blankets but I had to get up and care for Ndashe and take him to his school friend's birthday party. Birthday parties are great fun for the kids but I find them intimidating as I feel like I have to mingle with the parents of the other kids when I would rather just drop off Ndashe and pick him up when the birthday party is over. Actually come to think of it why is it not so?
Okay so today was not so bad, it was not bad at all. I mingled with Tracy, Sky's mom. She IS invited to all the birthday parties we are and I must admit I had my reservations about her when I first met her but the more I open myself up to getting to know her the more my reservations drop and I connect with her. We spoke about this and that and she encouraged me to pursue my creative talents. It was these words that she said that are still ringing in my head "If you are passionate about writing, blog."
And so here I am...THANK YOU!

The number 49...

I, like millions of South Africans would be over the moon if I was to discover that I have won the lottery - imagine winning a gigantic 30 million!!! What would I do with all that money? Would I quit my job? Would I buy my dream house or car? Would I finally take that desired holiday to India? Or would I be admitted for insanity? A portion of 30 million alone would set me on a financial free path so I think but you know what they say the more money we have the more problems we experience. I play the lottery religiously because I believe that one day I will win the lottery - when, I don't know but I know for sure that I will win! Also as much as I am against gambling I don’t consider playing the lottery gambling because even if I don’t win – when I buy my lottery ticket I am also contributing to a charity of the choice of the South African National Lottery so it can't be that bad of a habit!

Last night the number 49 appeared in my dream and when I woke up this morning my first reaction was to write it down – it could be one of lucky lotto numbers I thought.  When I got into the office my inquiring mind wanted to know more...so I asked my trusted friend, Google and this is what she had to say...well I shall wait and see how true this is...

A dream of numbers can indicate an air of general unease due to unsettled business conditions. It is also a warning to be careful of your words and actions. On the other hand, Zolar's Encyclopedia claims that dreaming of numbers is sign of dignity. 

Counting numbers foretells good news on its way, and counting people shows that you will maintain control over your affairs. If others are counting the number of people, your love life will be satisfying. Counting the number of people present indicates you will find satisfaction of your ambitions. Unfortunately, if you count but cannot find the correct number, you will be deceived. 

If you recall the number in your dream, you may want to think about gambling just a little. You may have luck. Even if you do not remember the number, you may attend some social event. The following is a list of what some specific numbers mean (if you remember them when you wake). These are for the most part taken from Zolar's. You'll have to interpret them according to whatever else occurred in your dream.

• Number 1 : ambition and passion
• Number 2 : final end to a romance
• Number 3 : fascination with religion
• Number 4 : great power and strength
• Number 5 : happy married life
• Number 6 : perfection in work
• Number 7 : efficiency and energy in life
• Number 8 : complete conservation of property
• Number 9 : affliction and uneasiness
• Number 10 : happiness in the near future
• Number 11 : litigation struggle
• Number 12 : best of everything
• Number 13 : will treat things with contempt
• Number 14 : losses due to other people
• Number 15 : merciful disposition
• Number 16 : happiness and love
• Number 17 : dishonor and shame
• Number 18 : will become accustomed to fatigue
• Number 19 : unhappiness
• Number 20 : will be severe and strict
• Number : 21 : everything will work out as planned
• Number 22 : will discover the secret to some mystery
• Number 23 : revenge
• Number 24 : will receive rudimentary doctrine
• Number 25 : birth of an intelligent child
• Number 26 : business will be very beneficial
• Number 27 : will be firm and have a good mind
• Number 28 : will receive love and affection
• Number 29 : will attend a wedding
• Number 30 : will become a celebrity
• Number 31 : power
• Number 32 : pure in design and expression
• Number 33 : honesty or a miscarriage
• Number 34 : love of glory
• Number 35 : harmonious family and good health
• Number 36 : birth of a genius
• Number 37 : affection between loved people
• Number 38 : excessive desire for gain
• Number 39 : envy of other people
• Number 40 : marriage reception
• Number 41 : deprivation of good name
• Number 42 : short and unfortunate trip
• Number 43 : attendance of a religious service
• Number 44 : will become an influential person
• Number 45 : loss of virginity
• Number 46 : powers of production
• Number 47 : long and happy life
• Number 48 : will attend court to receive a judgement
• Number 49 : affection from someone of the opposite sex
• Number 50 : will forgive and be forgiven
• Number 60 : will become a widow
• Number 70 : will be introduced to a prominent person
• Number 71 : worship of nature
• Number 75 : change in temperature
• Number 77 : favour from a friend
• Number 80 : recovery from some illness
• Number 81: avoid drugs (actually, it says you will become a dope addict, but who am I to presume!)
• Number 90 : blindness
• Number 100 : will receive a divine favour
• Number 120 : government position
• Number 121 : will be praised by the community
• Number 200 : danger through hesitation
• Number 215 : calamity is near
• Number 300 : will become a philosopher
• Number 313 : blessings will soon come
• Number 350 : what you hoped for will soon come
• Number 360 : change of residence
• Number 365 : the stars are in your favour
• Number 400 : long trip
• Number 490 : will hear a sermon from a priest
• Number 500 : will win an election
• Number 600 : perfection
• Number 666 : enemies plot against you
• Number 700 : strength and power
• Number 800 : will be head of state
• Number 900 : hunger
• Number 1000 : will receive clemency
• Number 1095 : depression due to loneliness
• Number 1360 : vexation
• Number 1390 : persecution

Cats and dogs...

Growing up in Ndola, Zambia we had two dogs - one a Border Collie and the other a German Sheppard. The Border Collie was dad's dog, he bought him when he was just a puppy and he named him Scooby. Scooby was fun was he was still my size - I think I was about eight years old when Scooby join our family of five at the time. Dad and I would bath Scooby every Saturday and run the streets with him until he was dry. When Scooby grew bigger and bigger I was frightened of him and I would not dare walk out of the house unless mom tied him to his leech. Mom's friends where going back to India and they needed a home for their German Sheppard, mom being the good Samaritan she was took the German Sheppard in. She named him Tiger, he was fiercer than Scooby and together they barked nonstop. Tiger had being with us for a few months or less when we discovered one morning that he got loose at night and disappeared into the starry night. We searched for Tiger day in day out and even went back to his previous home but there was no sign of him. When I relocated to Johannesburg, South Africa and my parents were separated - Scooby was sent to my maternal grandmother's farm on the outskirts of Ndola and it was there that he spent the last days of his dog life. He was beaten to death by a black Mamba.

More than two years ago my then three months old baby boy and I moved into a quiet Jewish neighbourhood infested with Lavender trees, Killarney. We moved into a one bed roomed corner flat and we were welcomed by a white 60 year old South African widow, Claire - she loved my son Ndashe from day one and witnessed his first crawl and walk. When Ndashe started walking he would be drawn Claire black cat that would be hanging around the doorway cubicle every time we walked past. Ndashe's curiosity to learn more about this canny black cat grew everyday and developed such a relationship with the cat - I forgot his name - that in a rush or not dare did we walk past without saying hello and goodbye. Whenever we returned home he would sometimes stay by the doorway playing with the black cat while I started cooking supper. Three months ago we moved to a new neighbourhood to be close to his new nursery school and our first day he was welcomed by a group of barking dogs which he was intrigued by - he played hide and seek with smallest of the dogs at a nearby tree. They are a few cats in the complex and whenever he sees one he is drawn by them. As for me cats or dogs. I don't mind Ndashe enjoying the company of cats but personally even though my star sign Leo is a cat I cannot be in a room infested with cats without my sinus acting up. As for dogs - if they are small, cute and friendly then they are more than welcome in my company. Dogs are man's best friend after all.

Last night I there white, black, black and white, and grey cats all over our garden duplex flat and while Ndashe's first nanny, Noreen was holding Ndashe there I was flustered trying to get them out of the flat...when I woke up this morning I was pleased to discover that this was yet another vivid dream. So been a curious being I googled cat symbolism and this is what I found:

As an ancient symbolic Celtic animal, the cat represents the guardian of the Otherworld (or Underworld, depending which texts you read from various regions). Stoic, silent and mysterious, cats fit the bill of Otherworld guardians quite well. They keep the secrets of the Otherworld eternally to themselves, as they gaze with guile upon a world that does not see or understand the depth of their knowledge. However, black cats in Celtic lore were considered evil, and were sacrificed.

In Western tradition, black cats have been associated with witchcraft. This is due to black being associated with supposed perils of the night, and the cat is associated with transformation just as the veil of night shifts our perception of reality.

However, in Ancient Rome the cat was sacred to Diana, the moon goddess. Here the cat was also considered a guardian of homes and a symbol of domestic goodness.

In Muslim lore, the cat is honoured for saving Mohammad from an attack by a fierce snake. Here it is believed the “M” marking on the forehead of many tabby cats is the mark of the prophet (”M” for Mohammad).

In Norse legend the cat is depicted drawing the chariot of their fertility goddess, Freyja, and therefore the cat is thought of as a blessing upon newborns and a good omen for those increasing their family ranks.

In ancient Egypt cats were sacred and were even depicted on the head of their lunar goddess, Bastet which was worshipped by the ancient Egyptians. In her honour, cats were even mummified along with mice for them to eat.

Here's a quick-list for cat animal symbolism:

• Astute
• Clever
• Secretive
• Mysterious
• Intelligent
• Intuitive
• Supernatural
• Watchfulness
• Selective
• Independent

Cats themselves are quite resourceful and tend to give us messages of change, flexibility of adaptability. Often, when a cat makes an uncommon appearance in our lives it is a message for us to shake up our habitual routines and make some fresh changes in our lives, as well as be more flexible in our thinking.

Cats can also be quite aloof, and this too is often a message for us to distance ourselves from people or situations. Sometimes the best cure for a problem is to step away from it - the cat inherently realizes this, and we would be wise to recognize this need as well.

Lastly, the cat animal symbolism is about mystery. Unfortunately, its unpredictability has given the cat a bad name in some areas of folk lore, specifically witchcraft. When, in actuality, this is an asset that can be harnessed by us humans.

Sometimes displaying very strange behaviour and antics, you can never really pin a cat down. Simply put, the cat animal symbolism is synonymous with creativity and psychic power because of its sometimes unorthodox & “mysterious” behaviour. This is also reflected in the Tarot deck as we see the cat in the Queen of Wands card.

The good news is, this mystery is a message to us that we have the power over illusion. Cat animal symbolism reminds us to not fall prey to false beliefs, to not be a fool out of ignorance and derive understanding from our own internal wisdom. The cat beckons us to realize that when we turn within to our own hearts, minds and souls, and trust in ourselves we will always be shown the truth of matters.

When a child is born...

When a child is born it is the most joyous day for the expectant family. Now we all know that regardless of the life this child will lead with birth comes death. When or how is the unknown. Some of us are fortunate to make it out of the delivery room and live for many years and others not. I believe we all have a purpose and when that purpose is fulfilled our time is up, young or old, poor or rich, beautiful or ugly…you get my jest. Some experience sudden death such as a car accident or and others experience long awaited deaths such as suffering from an incurable disease such as cancer. Either way we are all going to die whether we foresee it or not, just like our birth date is numbered so is our death date.

I am sitting in a restaurant in the heart of Melville in Johannesburg called Wish indulging on slice of carrot cake and sipping hot chocolate despite the fact that I have being unemployed for the past two months and in actual fact cannot afford such an indulgement right now and oh yes those extra kilos that I am adding to my slender figure. But what the heck if I cannot indulge in its prime moment then when exactly? I may die any second, minute, hour, day, month or year from now. So why not make the most of the indulgement.

Okay so I am also feeling under the weather – today when we (my two year old son and me) burst out the door to carry through our routine of the day we were welcomed by chilly and windy weather. Off he went to nursery school and off I went to visit my younger sister's grave who passed on three months today. In the Tswana tradition this marks the end of our mourning period, in this period we where to refrain from entertainment, be at home before dark, go for a cleansing session with a spiritual healer to cleanse away all negativity, have our hair cut bald by my maternal uncle etc.

While at the cemetery I thought I would recognize my younger sister's grave because when we buried her there was this open vast space behind us but after searching for her grave for a good thirty minutes I realized that when you in burial processions you are blinded by your intense grief and it is impossible for you to remember the actual space the grave of your loved one is. Also the cemetery was large with many sections and where I was standing and instead of an open vast space behind me were hundreds of new graves. Feeling that I had failed to connect with my late younger sister emotional and close to tears I walked steadily back into my car and drove back to the cemetery office.  I greeted the admin clerk, told her about my attempt and asked her to please help me. What took me a good thirty minutes took her three minutes. There I was standing at my late younger sister's grave...

My uncle who was coincidently buried in the grave opposite her was born on the same day she passed away. On my way out of the cemetery I also visited my grandfather's grave and discovered that he shares a birthday with my two year old son. Dates and numbers I thought. What interesting discoveries. Could my grandfather who passed away ten years ago be the reincarnation of my two year old son?

Visiting the cemetery evokes a rollercoaster of emotions...Yesterday was my late paternal grandmother's birthday, she passed away three years ago a day before my ex best friend's birthday, it would have being her 86th birthday. As I do for every birthday and death day of a loved I visited her grave accompanied by my father. She is buried next to my paternal grandfather. In thoughtful prayer and tidying up her grave and I started thinking about her tombstone admiring the exquisite tombstones that surrounded her. I noticed that some people go all out with their loved ones tombstones with extravagant statues and others keep it simple and down to earth with tall green lush trees or colorful flower gardens. I am simple and down to earth if marking my space after death would be a graveyard for my loved ones then I would like them to sow a colorful flower garden that they would water when they visited. And this is what I would like to do for my late paternal grandparents and sister. A graveside should be peaceful and the smell of the beauties of nature should be infested in the air I thought...

Until we meet again may your souls rest in peace.

I dreamt about an ex last night...

I dreamt about an ex last night... I carried the guilt of a one stand I had with his colleague and friend for more than six months. I tried to spare him from the truth by breaking up with him but my excuses for the break up where not concrete and so after three attempts I stringed along. Then I could no longer dine with a man who had done me no wrong, who treated me like a goddess, who was at side day in day out. My mother always said that the truth will set you free. So I was determined that no matter what I would confess, I could not keep my hurtful secret. I told him that I had something to tell him, he said sure he would pick me up for dinner, dinner passed and he would not hear it, we drove to his place and still he would not hear it. I was curled up on the couch; he was standing at empty dinner table when I burst out words of the truth!

It was eight years ago when I thought I would no longer see another day and here is this man that I have not given much thought or seen for eight years appearing in my dream. And it was not a good dream either. I refrain from saying nightmare because even though it was a bad dream there was a lesson learned and when I looked up the meaning I was in awe! Signs are around us all the time and it up to us to recognize and act upon their meaning. In short he was attacking me again but this time I was not alone, my most recent ex boyfriend was there too. While trying to escape I went via his kitchen and took out of his cupboard spaghetti sticks. Spaghetti sticks! Was I going to used spaghetti sticks as my self defense weapons? I looked up the meaning of spaghetti and this is what it said....

To see or eat spaghetti in your dream, indicates that you are feeling entangled in some messy relationship. Perhaps you are not sure how to end a relationship or situation. You may find yourself in an uncomfortable position.

Now I am not in a relationship but there is male friend of mine who happens to be married who wants to be more than friends, he wants to be my lover. I cherish him as a friend and a good friend he is but we cannot be anything more. A married man and a single woman do not mix; the cake is guaranteed to flop!

I am an ovo-lacto vegetarian…

I am an ovo-lacto vegetarian (or lacto-ovo vegetarian). This means that I do not eat animal flesh of any kind, but I am willing to consume dairy and egg products. In contrast, a vegetarian who consumes no animal products at all is called a vegan. Veganism even excludes animal products found in clothes, such as wool, fur, and other animal based products. Now I have not gone to this extreme as yet. My reasons for converting to vegetarianism are because it is a healthier diet and it will keep me looking forever young. Not because I practice Kadampa Buddhism and yoga. These practices do not require you to be vegetarian. Last night I dreamt I was eating the most tantalising roasted lemon butter fish. This type of vegetarian is called a semi-vegetarian. A semi-vegetarian’s diet consists largely of vegetarian foods, but may include fish or poultry, or other meats on an infrequent basis. Those with diets containing fish or poultry may define "meat" only as mammalian flesh and may identify with vegetarianism. A pescetarian diet, for example, includes "fish but no meat".

What could the fact an ovo-lacto vegetarian like me dreaming of eating fish mean?

It has being interpreted by dream astrologers that to dream that you are eating fish symbolises your beliefs, spirituality, luck, energy and nourishment. It is food for the soul.

December 16, 2010…

December 16, 2010 is Reconciliation Day in South Africa. I was off from work this public holiday and this meant i would have time to spend quality time with Ndashe. Ndashe, my gorgeous two year old son throws tantrums like most two year olds I have encountered but what sets him apart is his sweetness. He is very playful like any child should be and I get some what defensive when others mistaken this for naughtiness. What does naughty mean exactly? Ndashe, my intelligent little conqueror was on the waiting list for a year at The Willows, the best Montessori nursery school in South Africa. When I received the great news last year October that he got entry in 2011 I was over the moon and immediately I asked Claire, the daughter of the owner of the nursery school to help us look for a garden flat in the area so that we could be walking distance away. This meant that since he was born he would have a back garden of his own to play in, he would not be at nursery school for ten hours a day because I was slaving like a dog in the office instead he would spend five hours at school, he would be picked up by his nanny, he would eat a nutritious lunch, he would nap for two to three hours, he would wake up and eat a healthy snack and the nanny would read to him until I got home to cook supper, eat with him, play, put him in his pajamas, read him bedtime stories and so on. Beginning of November last year I got a phone call that made this wonderful set up a reality. One of the parents at the school came across Claire post on the notice board and here we are living in their spacious garden duplex flat which not only met our immediate requests but also has a beautiful huge garden with a river flowing in the outskirts and a swimming pool open to all residents. Ask and you receive. So knowing my demanding job we spent December 16, 2010 moving into our new home. Moving from where Ndashe was familiar since he was born for two and a half years! On the third floor, quiet corner, mulberry trees in our window view,  four roomed wooden floored flat – cozy, comfortable and enough for the two of us in a neighbourhood filled lavender trees. Instead we are now in a bigger place and Ndashe finally has his own bedroom though he still prefers and is happy to sleep with his mama, that’s me! Fine by me for now besides I still have to buy him a bed. Today Sunday 13 March 2011 I have completed a two day Blessing Empowerment of Je Tsogkhapa, through his experience I learnt about how to build the foundation of a spiritual path and how to complete it. By receiving Je Tsogkhapa’s blessings, relying upon him, and engaging in meditations that focus on him I can develop and perfect his great qualities – compassion, wisdom and destroyer of the host of the maras. On my spiritual journey I am learning about Kadampa Buddhism and through practicing Dharma teachings I am in preparation for enlightenment. After enlightenment I hope to be an awakened one. I received three special gifts from three teachers during the two day Blessing Empowerment – one - words of wisdom which have changed my outlook on life and made me discover methods to apply in order for me to live a meaningful life, two – Heart Jewel, a prayer book to encourage me to prayer everyday because nothing is more powerful than prayer and, three – a blossoming gold tea candle holder to remind me that I am like a flower and with special care I can blossom and radiate light like the tea candle. There is something special about receiving unexpectedly, my heart where Je Tsogkhapa seats was so thankful and pleased by these meaningful three gifts. They are now exquisitely arranged on the shrine in Ndashe’s bedroom.