When a child is born...

When a child is born it is the most joyous day for the expectant family. Now we all know that regardless of the life this child will lead with birth comes death. When or how is the unknown. Some of us are fortunate to make it out of the delivery room and live for many years and others not. I believe we all have a purpose and when that purpose is fulfilled our time is up, young or old, poor or rich, beautiful or ugly…you get my jest. Some experience sudden death such as a car accident or and others experience long awaited deaths such as suffering from an incurable disease such as cancer. Either way we are all going to die whether we foresee it or not, just like our birth date is numbered so is our death date.

I am sitting in a restaurant in the heart of Melville in Johannesburg called Wish indulging on slice of carrot cake and sipping hot chocolate despite the fact that I have being unemployed for the past two months and in actual fact cannot afford such an indulgement right now and oh yes those extra kilos that I am adding to my slender figure. But what the heck if I cannot indulge in its prime moment then when exactly? I may die any second, minute, hour, day, month or year from now. So why not make the most of the indulgement.

Okay so I am also feeling under the weather – today when we (my two year old son and me) burst out the door to carry through our routine of the day we were welcomed by chilly and windy weather. Off he went to nursery school and off I went to visit my younger sister's grave who passed on three months today. In the Tswana tradition this marks the end of our mourning period, in this period we where to refrain from entertainment, be at home before dark, go for a cleansing session with a spiritual healer to cleanse away all negativity, have our hair cut bald by my maternal uncle etc.

While at the cemetery I thought I would recognize my younger sister's grave because when we buried her there was this open vast space behind us but after searching for her grave for a good thirty minutes I realized that when you in burial processions you are blinded by your intense grief and it is impossible for you to remember the actual space the grave of your loved one is. Also the cemetery was large with many sections and where I was standing and instead of an open vast space behind me were hundreds of new graves. Feeling that I had failed to connect with my late younger sister emotional and close to tears I walked steadily back into my car and drove back to the cemetery office.  I greeted the admin clerk, told her about my attempt and asked her to please help me. What took me a good thirty minutes took her three minutes. There I was standing at my late younger sister's grave...

My uncle who was coincidently buried in the grave opposite her was born on the same day she passed away. On my way out of the cemetery I also visited my grandfather's grave and discovered that he shares a birthday with my two year old son. Dates and numbers I thought. What interesting discoveries. Could my grandfather who passed away ten years ago be the reincarnation of my two year old son?

Visiting the cemetery evokes a rollercoaster of emotions...Yesterday was my late paternal grandmother's birthday, she passed away three years ago a day before my ex best friend's birthday, it would have being her 86th birthday. As I do for every birthday and death day of a loved I visited her grave accompanied by my father. She is buried next to my paternal grandfather. In thoughtful prayer and tidying up her grave and I started thinking about her tombstone admiring the exquisite tombstones that surrounded her. I noticed that some people go all out with their loved ones tombstones with extravagant statues and others keep it simple and down to earth with tall green lush trees or colorful flower gardens. I am simple and down to earth if marking my space after death would be a graveyard for my loved ones then I would like them to sow a colorful flower garden that they would water when they visited. And this is what I would like to do for my late paternal grandparents and sister. A graveside should be peaceful and the smell of the beauties of nature should be infested in the air I thought...

Until we meet again may your souls rest in peace.